


Numb

by caspianwrites



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Character Study, Depressed Eren Yeager, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Eren Yeager Has Issues, Eren Yeager Has PTSD, Hurt No Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Minor Armin Arlert/Eren Yeager, Multi, POV Eren Yeager, Promises, Suicidal Eren Yeager, Suicidal Thoughts, The Rumbling (Shingeki no Kyojin), author is projecting onto eren yeager, eren is numb, numb eren yeager
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:15:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29857254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caspianwrites/pseuds/caspianwrites
Summary: eren yeager is dead. he's been dead since that day in shiganshina, when his mother was eaten alive.
Kudos: 29





	Numb

**Author's Note:**

> author is projecting onto eren.

He didn’t cry anymore.

He didn’t feel the familiar tug of anxiety which had once threatened to boil over and consume him.

Eren didn’t need to silence the voices in his head anymore.

It was quiet in his mind.

Numb.

Once he had been the boy with a hair-trigger temper, a tongue as sharp as the edge of a blade, and his mother’s memory clutched to his chest.

_And what have you become?_

He no longer felt dread bloom in his heart at the question which had once sent him spiraling as he reflected upon his changed character. 

Not so long ago, he had wished for nothing more than to reverse time, alter the past, and remain the Eren from the days of Shiganshina. 

But now the memory of his past self was far away, detached. It belonged to someone else. 

He no longer felt remorse; nor fear, regret, or anger.

Once, he had feared his own monstrous abilities, felt a pang of regret as he spat harsh words at those he professed to love, and had burned from the inside out with his anger at the world.

While he felt no pain or anguish, neither did he feel the love for his comrades which had once been so easy to conjure up.

He tried to recall a time in which he felt love for Mikasa and Armin, or any of the others…

But no longer were emotions tied to their faces. Just their names. 

All that was left was the simple fact that this was his path, and he could not stray from it if he tried.

Even the hate he had once felt for himself was muted.

All that he felt was numb, and floating, and utter fucking nothingness.

It felt like a million lifetimes ago that Levi had promised to cut Eren down if he lost control.

_Well, I’ve finally lost it, Captain. Come and get me._

It was past time.

He was a ticking bomb ready to go off, and if he was permitted to live, he knew that he would continue to harm people he had once loved.

He knew that against all odds, Mikasa and Armin still loved him. 

And he knew that if he kept living, he would use that to his advantage. He would kill them without feeling remorse.

Without feeling anything.

_I’ve been dead for a long time. It’s just taken a while for my body to catch up to my mind._

Eren had died nine years ago in Shiganshina.

He had sparked, fizzled, and burnt out, too bright, into darkness.

It was time. He would make them hate him. He would make them kill him.

And then it would be over, at long last.

He would finally be free.

**Author's Note:**

> recently i've been feeling really numb, and also i kin eren.


End file.
